Why don’t you want to go to work?
Have you ever had this experience:
Going to work every day is a kind of torture. I am tired of my job. I want to change fields, positions, and environments, but I don’t know what I am suitable for, what my hobbies are, what I need, what my life goals are, and what my values are.
People around you have various expectations for you. They hope that you can be stable, successful, and happy. They have provided you with a lot of advice, guidance, and support, but you don’t feel any enthusiasm, motivation, or satisfaction. You feel like a person. A sheep that is just being led has no ideas, direction, or will of its own.
Your heart is full of conflicts, anxiety, and confusion. You don’t know what you want, what the meaning of your life is, how you should change, and you don’t know how you should choose.
You may have heard what Teacher Luo Xiang said:
‘When you reach middle age, you will understand that the greatest pain and sorrow is not poverty, but that at the age of 30, you still don’t know what you want and how to achieve it.’
This sentence may have struck a chord with you.
In fact, it is not difficult to find a career that suits you. As long as you can find what you like/want, what you can do, and the overlapping areas among the three systems that conform to the real environment, and then formulate a feasible planning strategy, you can achieve it. Your career dreams.
However, the problem is that most people don’t know what they like or want, nor do they know how to achieve it, let alone achieve a work-life balance.
This is because they lack something very important - self-identity.
##Self-Identity
What is self-identity? Why is it so important? How to form a self-identity? Please read on.
Self-identity is your understanding, evaluation, and positioning of yourself, as well as your relationship with society. It is a relatively stable and continuous cognition that allows you to clearly know who you are, where you are going, and who you are. Interactions with others.
A person who develops a self-identity can balance external expectations with his own expectations.
Self-expectations are what you want, in order to satisfy yourself; external expectations are what the outside world needs, in order to satisfy others.
The two can be unified to form a dynamic balance at different stages. Most people lack the former. They don’t know what they want, and they don’t dare to pursue what they want.
We are too obedient
One of the biggest reasons why we don’t form a self-identity is that we are too obedient.
From childhood to adulthood, we are all accepting the education, influence, and norms of others. We are all living according to other people’s standards and expectations. We are all working for the satisfaction and recognition of others. We are all working for the happiness and interests of others. Sacrifice, we all strive for the dreams and goals of others.
We never really think about what we want, we never really try what we love, we never really pursue our dreams, we never really live out who we are.
We always obey the arrangements of our parents, the guidance of teachers, the orders of leaders, and the trends of society. We always obey the wishes of others, cater to the needs of others, and meet the expectations of others. We always be a well-behaved child and an excellent child. student, a qualified employee, and a responsible family member.
We always regard the expectations of others as our own expectations, we always regard the recognition of others as our own, we always regard the value of others as our own value, and we always regard the lives of others as our own. Life.
We always close our knowledge early, we always give up our exploration early, we always finalize our roles early, and we always end our growth early.
This state is called premature closure. It causes us to lose our initiative, creativity, individuality, and independence. It makes us become other people’s shadows, other people’s accessories, other people’s tools, and other people’s slaves.
This state is often broken in middle age, because we will encounter various crises, such as career crisis, marriage crisis, family crisis, health crisis, etc. These crises will make us re-examine our lives, Rethink your own value, re-find your own meaning, and re-choose your own direction.
Now that premature isolation has been broken, it is necessary to reshape one’s self-identity.
Reshape self-identity
Reshaping one’s self-identity requires discovering and respecting one’s own expectations and retrieving the true self. After all, you don’t know who you are, how to talk about what you want, what to do, and how to achieve it.
The first thing to do for this is to block interference, block all external interference, without any restrictions, you can try the following methods:
- Write down everything you like, anything can be used, rate the degree of liking, and recall the feeling of liking with high scores.
- Write down 3 ideal careers. Regardless of whether they are achievable or unreliable, talk about why you chose them.
- Write freely, no matter how absurd it is
- Use career assessments (links at the end of the article) to assist in exploration, but they must be used correctly and analyzed well to avoid becoming identified with the assessment.
The purpose of doing this is to show a more authentic self and see what your expectations are. It would be better if you can see commonalities in this process.
But just finding your true self and your own expectations is not enough for some people, because… they dare not!
Don’t dare
It’s not that many people don’t have interests/ideals, but they “dare not” have them, because their self-expectations are always followed by one word - but
‘This is my interest/ideal, but it cannot become a career.’
‘This is what I like, but it’s useless.’
‘What I want is this, but it’s too difficult…’
However, this kind of interference is essentially the interference of external expectations. Some may be objective facts, but more often they are a habitual denial formed during our growth. We always evaluate ourselves and things in negative ways, such as ‘I can’t do it,’ ‘This is impossible,’ ‘That’s not good,’ etc. This will affect our self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-love, and it will also limit our thinking, creation, and Action causes us to miss many opportunities and possibilities.
It’s like self-expectations and external expectations are constantly fighting, and external expectations often prevail. This makes us always ‘have a traitorous heart’ but ‘have no courage.’
We need to break this chain of cause and effect, otherwise even if we find our true self and see our own expectations, we will only find it. We will still work honestly and make money before talking about it, and then - unwillingness - internal friction - giving up - unwillingness ——Internal friction——Give up…
This process will be repeated many times and requires continuous strengthening. It is difficult to break through by yourself. It is best to use external forces.
Find your true self with the help of external forces
External forces are people or things that can help us find ourselves, support us in pursuing ourselves, and encourage us to realize ourselves, such as:
• A good book can broaden our horizons, inspire thinking, inspire, provide methods, convey wisdom, and give strength • A good friend can allow us to talk to each other, share happiness, understand each other, help each other, grow with each other, and strengthen each other. Companion • A good mentor allows us to learn knowledge, master skills, clarify goals, formulate plans, guide practice, and provide feedback on progress • A good team allows us to find belonging, feel warmth, give full play to our strengths, collaborate and innovate, make progress together, and share Achievements
When we have such external forces, we can more easily find our true self, stabilize our expectations, and form a self-identity. We can more confidently say what we like, what we want to do, and what we can do for it. We can face our work, life, relationships, and future more happily.
As we develop our own identity, we discover:
We no longer hate our jobs, but find the meaning and value of our work. We no longer care about other people’s evaluations, but adhere to our own principles and standards. We begin to appreciate ourselves and understand others, and we begin to respect ourselves and others. Our lives have direction, goals, plans, actions, and results.
Congratulations, you have formed a self-identity and you can balance external expectations with your own expectations.
Conclusion
Although the new balance will also be broken, with the self-identified version 1.0, it will just be patched and updated continuously. Unless there are major changes or huge BUGs, you can completely handle it yourself.
Be able to endure loneliness and uphold long-termism; start small and seek completion without seeking perfection; do not want to take shortcuts or get something for nothing.
This is what I want to share today. I hope it will be helpful to you. If you find it useful, please like, comment, collect, and forward it so that more people can see it. You are also welcome to follow us. We will continue to provide you with more information. Lots of quality content!
Career Assessment Link
Career Planning Test: Free online test of Schein Career Anchor Questionnaire: www.psyctest.cn/t/OLxN6Qxn/
Holland’s free online career interest test | 90-question version: www.psyctest.cn/t/PqxDRKGv/
Free MBTI test 72-question classic version: www.psyctest.cn/t/aW54O6Gz/
Link to this article: https://www.psyctest.cn/article/egdQ07xb/
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